I’ve Got a Dream

Although I don’t really identify with Rapunzel (I see myself as more of a Mulan or Merida-type of Disney princess), one of my favorite movie scenes is the “I’ve Got a Dream” song from Tangled.  After escaping from her tower, Rapunzel embarks on a journey to realize her dream of seeing thousands of floating lanterns released into the night sky on her birthday.  She and her smoldering companion Flynn Ryder end up in a dive filled with brutes, Vikings and other assorted shady individuals, who all proceed to sing a hilarious song about each of their personal and out-of-character dreams.

I’ve been thinking about this particular scene a lot lately.  You see, I have my own dream.

When I was a child, I fell in love with giraffes.  I can’t exactly articulate why, although I suspect that I chose them as my favorite animal since they are so tall and gangly… just like I was as a pre-teen.  Regardless, giraffes became my “thing.”  I have acquired dozens of giraffe dolls, mugs, plates, Christmas ornaments and socks.  I have two giraffe necklaces, a pair of giraffe earrings and even a giraffe lapel pin and purse.  I’ve fed them at several different zoos, watched television documentaries and seen them at nature preserves.

But over the years, my little hobby morphed into a true desire to see giraffes not on TV or behind glass or fences, but in their natural habitat.  I started dreaming about going on a safari in Africa.

As a young adult, I talked about fulfilling this dream “someday.”  I got a little more specific in my thirties: “I’ll go in 2015, when I’m forty.”  Forty seemed abstract and far, far into the future.  And then I blinked, and forty was right around the corner.  Fortunately, I have a friend who promised to go with me long ago, and she held me to both my promise and my timeline.  After a health hiccup delayed our plans in 2015, my husband, two friends and I are leaving for a 10-day safari in Tanzania in just a few days… and just a few days after my forty-first birthday.

I’m filled with emotions over this impending trip: excitement, of course, and a healthy dose of disbelief that my long-held dream is actually happening.   Sheer joy, and a little bit of pride that we’re really going to pull this off.  And, if I’m being totally honest with myself, quite a bit of anxiety.

I’m anxious about all of the usual things:

• Will my kids be okay while we are gone? We are so fortunate that their grandparents and aunt are basically arranging their own personalized summer camp. I’m willing to wager that the kids will be bummed when we get back and break up the party.
• Will we be safe? We’ve done extensive research and have taken all of the appropriate precautions.  We’ll follow all of the recommendations and keep our wits about us.  I know things will be fine.
• I’m so selfish for doing this for myself.  I read plenty of blog posts about moms who feel guilty for taking even one hour away from their kids to exercise. Yes, there is probably a degree of selfishness here.  But why should I apologize for planning, saving for and actually accomplishing something that has been so important to me for so long?  Isn’t that a wonderful thing to demonstrate to my kids about their own dreams?  And won’t they ultimately benefit from their mom’s happiness?
• Shouldn’t we be spending all this money on something more practical?  My husband and I have been carefully saving for this trip for quite some time.  We do not live extravagantly, and we were willing to forgo some other smaller “luxuries” in exchange for a big one.  And lately, I’ve been advocating for experiences over material things – isn’t this the ultimate experience?

But in my heart of hearts, I am most anxious about the experience itself.   I’ve dreamed about it for almost two decades – what if it isn’t what I hope it to be?  And even scarier: what will I do when it’s done?  This has been a part of who I am for so long that I’m not sure I’ll know what to do when it’s over.

There’s a second scene in Tangled that is also ringing true for me lately.  Say what you will about Disney and its princesses, but there are times when they get it exactly right.

As Rapunzel and Flynn wait in the boat for the floating lanterns to appear, Rapunzel reveals her fear about being disappointed in her dream:  “I’ve been looking out of a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky.  What if it’s not everything I dreamed it would be?”

Flynn assures her, “It will be.”

Rapunzel then wonders, “And what if it is?  What do I do then?”

Flynn thinks for a moment, and then replies, “Well, that’s the good part, I guess.  You get to go find a new dream.”

See you soon, my beautiful giraffes.