Are you that mom?
The mom with anxiety.
Yep, that’s me.
It is hard to admit because admitting would mean I have a problem.
I was at a first birthday party a couple weeks ago and I spent most of the time observing other moms. This is to the mom who gave her one year olds fruit snacks. To the mom who let her kids play with balloons. To the mom who left her kids to play alone with the others. To the mom who let her kid climb on everything without a worry.
I envy you.
While watching these scenarios play out, I was tense. I could feel my heart rate increase. My mind automatically goes to the worse case. To me, my mind assumes fruit snacks equals choking hazard. Balloons linked to strangling. Falling and cracking your skull is guaranteed concussion.
Can you see how anxiety takes over?
After I left the party, all I could think about is how I hoover over my son. I hoover when he is eating, sleeping, sick, anti-social, playing, and anytime else you can think of. I hoover because I love him.
I am terrified of something bad happening to him.
The hardest thing for me to get over is letting him try new foods. Every bite he takes I assume he is going to choke and I am not equipped to deal with an emergency situation.
Forget it if he actually does cough or does not like what we give him. Hello, panic attack!
His diet consists of many soft foods, cut into teeny tiny pieces. This is usually all for nothing because he shovels multiple pieces in his mouth at once while we are repeating “little bites, Lorenzo, little bites.”
I could sit here all day and list the things that I do to limit “risk” of anything my son does in a day. Maybe I will list them all one day.
I have struggled with anxiety for many years now, but being a parent with anxiety tops the charts. It is anxiety I have never felt before. I am going to assume it will only get worse as he gets older. When he grows up, there will be different things to worry about.
Some people may think I am crazy, but I know there are a lot of other moms out there like me.
Moms who are struggling through the day with anxiety creeping in and coursing through their veins.
It is not easy. But, there is a world of support out there for you.
Are you that mom? Please share your experiences in the comments!