Have you ever sat outside on a clear night and looked up at the stars in the sky?
October 15, 2016, was the first year that our family participated in the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness event, Wave of Light. It had been seven weeks since Toby passed away in his sleep. He was 12 weeks old. This day of remembrance was brought to our attention and I remember feeling an immediate need to participate.
I didn’t want Toby to look down from Heaven and not see a light for him. I didn’t want him to think we had forgotten him, or in the midst of navigating through our grief, we couldn’t speak his name. The thought that we had to do this, that other grieving families didn’t have a voice, it made me angry. It pushed me into action. And the response was an overwhelming participation from family and friends across the country, lighting candles in memory of Toby and for other infants who had died. It was amazing. It was emotional. But most importantly, it lent support during a time when we needed it the most.
A year later, October 15 has taken on a bit of a different meaning for me. Yes, we are participating in Toby’s memory – to reflect on the time we had with him and how beautiful that time was. But, this year, our family will also be remembering other babies who are in Heaven with Toby. October 15 is not only a day to remember the babies, who forever live in our hearts. It is a day to recognize that we are parents, to two boys. That I gave birth to two children. That we brought two children home from the hospital and loved them unconditionally every single moment that they’ve lived. That we have two bedrooms in our home that are filled with love – one whose is used daily and another which is frozen in time. This is a day to recognize parents who have children here and in Heaven. Whether it be through miscarriage, still birth, or infant loss – we all want our children to be remembered with love and our role as parents to be recognized.
The Wave of Light begins at 7pm (in all time zones) on Sunday, October 15. Candles should remain lit for one hour to create a continual ‘wave of light’ around the world.
I started this post asking if you’ve ever looked up at the stars in the sky on a clear night. For me, I think of October 15 as that clear night for our babies in Heaven, looking down to Earth and seeing all the flickers of light, all the stars, lit for them. It’s a way of letting them know how much they are missed. It’s a way to let them see all the places on Earth the love for them has traveled and grown.
Here are a few sites that offer information on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, as well as event details for October 15th’s Wave of Light.