I was in my basement doing laundry when I heard my three year old Izzy upstairs talking to someone. When I came up and asked her about it she said she was talking to her friend “Junie”. My heart caught in my throat. We live in my Grandma’s Junie’s house. She actually died in the room Izzy sleeps in. Some people would find that morbid but I don’t. It brings me peace. Anyways Izzy called my Grandma “Grammy” and we hadn’t used the name Grandma Junie with her. So you can understand my surprise at her bringing up that name.
Since then we have told her who Grandma Junie is and that we live in her house. She doesn’t really remember her (she died when Izzy was 2) but around the time that Izzy turned 4 she started to ask questions about Grandma Junie and where she is. We told her that Grandma Junie died but she is always in our hearts. That satisfied her for awhile and she would even randomly run up to me and report that Grandma Junie was in her heart telling her to tell everyone she loves them. Eventually though more questions about death arose.
Talking to Izzy about death was harder than I ever expected. I mean I don’t even understand everything about death. Everything I started to say, I stopped myself and corrected myself or said “Wait that’s not always how it happens.” For example Izzy said “Why do people die?” and I said “Well when people get really old sometimes they get really sick and then they die…but it’s not just because they are sick, you don’t always die when you are sick…and you don’t automatically die when you are old…” at this point I stopped and looked at her and she was just staring at me. Then she said “Is my Grandma going to die?” My heart sank. What do you say??
I have learned it is best to keep things really simple. Instead of trying to elaborate and explain too much I just answer the question as directly as possible. People die because their hearts stop beating. And then when the questions about “Am I going to die?” and “Are you going to die?” start — I put my hand on my heart and say “My heart is still beating! Let’s check yours. It’s still beating too! So what do you want to play?”
If that doesn’t work I have found these links to be helpful!
http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-to-talk-to-your-preschooler-about-death_65688.bc
http://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/development/social/talking-to-kids-about-death/
http://childdevelopmentinfo.com/how-to-be-a-parent/communication/talk-to-kids-death/
