A few weeks ago, I was in a Target doing some shopping with my boys. We were walking through the Lego aisle (which has pretty much become a prerequisite for every Target trip these days) when I heard a child about the same age as my 6 year old acting up with his mother. He began throwing a tantrum because he wanted a specific toy, and the mother, looking just as exhausted as one would expect, didn’t say a word back to her child. Then the child did something I didn’t expect – he grabbed a toy out of another child’s hands and said “that’s mine!” and to my surprise, the mother still didn’t say anything. I kept watching the exchange (probably looking like a crazy person) and saw the parent of the child whose toy was stolen try and ask the boy to kindly give it back. The boy wouldn’t budge, and was just as rude to these other parents as he was to his own mother. Finally, the exhausted mother of the boy turned around and said “I was going to buy that for my son”, puts it in her cart, and walks away. I don’t know who was more stunned – me or the father and his kid who just got his toy taken from him.
There are various ways to dissect this example – the mom could have been exhausted beyond belief, and was not aware of the exchange that happened, or maybe I’m being way too judgmental in this whole situation. But what I took away from all of this was one thing – why is there suddenly such a lack of respect for other people these days – their space, their things, their feelings? We have morphed into this society who cares only about what we need (or our family needs) and no longer care about what others need too. Yes, this is an isolated example, but I can think of countless incidences covered in the news where people show such a lack of regard for others, it’s appalling.
Which got me thinking about something – as a parent, what can I do to help correct this downward spiral in empathy? And the answer is something I think we all need to be doing on a daily basis – we need to teach our kids about RESPECT. We need to teach them to respect not only themselves, but others as well. Here are three ways I’ve started teaching my kids how to be respectful:
- Stand My Ground – My kids are NOT my friends, and it is not my job to coddle either of them, especially when he is the one who is out of order. When I recognize that he is being disrespectful, either to me, my husband or anyone else, I make sure to bring it up with him, even if he disagrees or argues back. Making sure he understands that what he’s said or done is not OK is the most important step in my book.
- Lead By Example – I’ve started teaching my children that respect is not just a one way street, but works in all directions. Growing up, I remember thinking that only parents needed and demanded respect, but have learned over the years that respecting kids needs to is just as important. I’ve found that when I set an example for my kids by showing them how to respect others, it goes WAY farther than when I yell at them for being disrespectful.
- Be on the Same Page – I often find that my threshold for respectful behavior may not be the same as my husband, my parents, my in-laws or even my friends. I think it’s important to try to be on the same page with those closest to you, so everyone can reinforce the same amount of respect not only to each other but to our kids too.
I hope that by leading by example, my kids will understand not only that certain behavior is not nice, but it may help them be better people overall. How have you taught your kids respect?
