Preschool Mean Girls

Photo Credit: imbd.com

Many may be familiar with the popular teen comedy Mean Girls. The premise surrounds a new student adapting to her new high school and going head to head with the school’s queen “mean girl”. The movie personifies what we all know of how girls can be catty, and cliquey, and down right mean to one another. I used to watch the movie and find it hilarious. But now as the mother of a young daughter it terrifies me!

I have pondered over and over on how I will prepare her. How will I empower her to be confident, independent and comfortable in her own skin. When she reaches her adolescent years how will I support her in developing the tools to ward of the “mean girls”. Surprisingly, what I hadn’t considered is needing those tools when she reached preschool.

My daughter has attended the same daycare since she was three months old. I saw it as a huge advantage that she had basically grown up with the little girls in her class and felt a strong bond with them. She is now 3.5 and they have reached preschool. One morning recently I was dropping Aubrey off in her classroom and two of her little girlfriends ran up to greet us. I said to them, ” Is it okay for Aubrey to come and play with you guys?”.  I was astonished when one of the young girls looked at the other and said “Aubrey doesn’t like you, she doesn’t want to play with you”. And it wasn’t just the words, it was the bite they had to them. Part of me was thankful that my daughter wasn’t on the receiving end of them. But the other part realized that maybe this time she wasn’t but next time she could be. I wondered how did these little ladies become so sassy? Is it something just innate in the female spirit to be a “mean girl” at times?

I mentioned the incident to Aubrey’s teacher, expressing my concern over this new element of her social interaction. I found our conversation incredibly helpful. She explained that those interactions were not uncommon and that she plays close attention to them. Each child responds differently, she said, and she allows them to react and she intervenes when necessary. I told her my fear that Aubrey I didn’t want my daughter to be a “follower”. I worried she could be easily persuaded in an effort to fit in. I found reassurance in her teacher’s assessment of Aubrey’s interactions. She said Aubrey used her voice when she needed and stood up for herself if she didn’t agree. Aubrey wasn’t an instigator, but she wasn’t a pushover either! Woohoo! Now how do I keep it that way?

I felt relieved to know that her teacher was actively engaged in assessing the children’s interactions. Especially since preschool is setting the foundation for their future school experiences. I quickly came to terms with reality. The cliques start now. The identifying each other’s differences and weaknesses and preying upon them starts now.

How do we as parents raise our children to not be Regina George? One easy intervention is being a positive role model. Be cognizant that they are watching your social interactions. They will follow your lead. So go the extra mile to champion kindness, generosity, dignity and respect.

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Tara Work
Tara is a native Pittsburger. She currently lives in the South Hills with her husband, their 4 children. Tara is a graduate of the University of Pittsburgh with a degree in Nursing. She has worked in pediatrics her entire career and there is no other nursing she would rather do! Tara graduated with a Masters of Nursing from Waynesburg University which lead her to her current role as a Clinical Nurse Educator.