Two months ago, I gave birth to my third child. I was so anxious to be done with the pregnancy that I ignored how much life would change when this new baby made his appearance. I should have known better; I’m not a rookie anymore. Still, I wasn’t quite prepared for what life with three would look like. Each child my husband and I brought into this world changed our lives in both amazing and challenging ways. In that respect, baby #3 has been no different. Though it hasn’t been long, there are a few things I already know for certain about having three kid
s.
#1 – The third child tips the scales.
My husband and I cannot believe we only brought one baby back from the hospital; the laundry, trash and mess seem to be ironclad proof that we arrived home with a bus full of children instead. Somehow, adding one more baby to the mix has quadrupled almost everything except our alone time. Now that we have three, a “break” involves managing just one or two children at a time. It’s amazing how freeing it feels to only be responsible for a fraction of our children, when that used to feel like a full-time job. Going to Target with only my 5-year-old and 3-year-old in tow is a vacation compared to an outing with all of them. Likewise, when my husband takes the older two out for the day, being home alone with my baby is a welcome break.
#2 – It takes a village.
You’re outnumbered with three, even when both parents are around. When I’m the only one home, which happens a lot now that my husband is back to work and I’m on maternity leave, I have come to rely on family and friends to help me get through this crazy transition. When my middle child has a doctor’s appointment, or my oldest has a t-ball game, or when I desperately need a nap after a rough night with the baby, I am forever grateful for the help of my mother, my mother-in-law and everyone else who has come to my aid to watch kids, fold laundry or bring us dinner.
#3 – It’s all about survival.
With three, any endeavor, whether its leaving the house, making lunch or bathing kids and putting them to bed, requires a lot of coordination and patience. It also requires forgiveness for my children, my husband and myself. None of us are at our best right now; we’re all tired and short on patience. I got great advice from a cousin of mine one evening when I was stressing about much TV my older boys were watching. She urged me to take the guilt I was feeling and frame it differently. “When you say, I should be ‘this kind’ of parent right now, the kind that never feeds her kids processed foods or lets them watch tv during dinner,” she said, “tell yourself, I will be that kind of parent a year from now. Give yourself space to figure this out. You don’t have to be perfect right now.”
#4 – There’s room in my heart for so much love.
I was worried when my second son was born that I wouldn’t love him as much as my first, a concern that evaporated as soon as they placed him in my arms. Still, with my third, I didn’t know how I would feel. I have these two older children who have grown into unique human beings, and somehow, I worried I wouldn’t have enough to give all of them this time around. My worries were all for naught. This little baby has quickly made a place for himself in our world, and I can already see his distinctive personality emerging. Adding another human being to our already eventful lives has been an exciting journey, and I’m happy to report that my heart is big enough for all of it.
#5 – While my love is limitless, my time is not.
Having three children means being intentional about how I spend my time with them. Right now, the baby gets the biggest share, so I’m trying to remember to find ways to connect with my older boys too. Sometimes that means nursing while I play Legos or cuddling with all three as we read a book. It means taking time to acknowledge their struggles with our new dynamic and the ways in which they are rising to the occasion by helping out.
I was scared to have a third child; I was nervous when people talked about how difficult it was. But I now realize, its not really difficult, its just different, and different always takes some adjusting. With the help and support of the people around us and a little bit of grace, we’re figuring this “three-child” thing out one day a time.
