Take a Knee

The hurry and hustle of back to school had things feeling a little off around here. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. My knee-jerk reaction was to figure out what my beloved cherubs were doing wrong. I mean, come on, there’s a one-in-five chance the problem is actually me!

Ok, ok, it was me. Ladies, the cherubs were speaking and I wasn’t listening. Did you hear that? My children were speaking and I wasn’t listening! I was head down in my phone orchestrating joint custody, planning dinner, packing lunches, and sprinting off to cross-country (pun intended)! They were excited and telling me about the school year and new beginnings. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

I remembered this very problem years prior when the angels were smaller and their parents lived under one roof. Though our lives have shifted three steps to the right since then, an old problem had become an unwelcome guest in our home again.

I paused and read my old words:

My husband and I have four children; ages 10, 9, 8, and 3. I cannot begin to guess how many times a day I hear the word “Mom.” It is not humanly possible to listen to everything that follows this word. A million little questions asked over and over again. A million tattles and whines. A million demands and requests. A million seemingly senseless conversations that spin in circles.

Last week my three year old said, “Mom,” and I responded “Yes?” She asked, “Where do we hide the feathers?” Listen people, I am a busy woman. I do not know where we hide the feathers. As far as I know, we have no feathers! Was this a real question worthy of my time? I’m telling you, sometimes my brain has to turn off from hearing what follows “Mom.” It is for my sanity!

Earlier this year it dawned on me that I had quit listening to my kids. I was so overwhelmed by the infinite summonings of my attention all beginning with “Mom,” that I quit listening. My children were receiving far too many “hmmms,” “uh-has,” “ohs,”  “I don’t knows,” “yeahs”, and “is that rights.” I became a master of holding on an entire conversation without listening to a single word. At some point my brain went from shutting off sometimes to most of the time. It was sad.

I have read books and parenting articles covering the topic of how to get my children to listen to me, yet, I had stopped listening to them.

I was forgetting that mixed into these questions, tattles, whines, demands, and requests were little people looking for comfort, companionship, conversation, and care. Their tiny voices were saying, “get to know me, guide me, give me love.” I made it a point to really hear my children when they spoke. I found it more effective to listen when I was on their level, so I took a knee. Now, I look them in the eyes and hear what they are saying and respond accordingly. Do I do this all day and everyday? I do not. If I did then I may spend the next 15 years of my life on one knee.

It occurred to me that if I do not listen and hear my children now, then they will stop talking to me later. The communication needs to stay open. I mean wide open! There are so many critical topics we have not yet discussed. It would be a tragedy to miss these important conversations with my babies.

It is a full time job listening to everything that follows the word “Mom.” It is a job that I signed up for and take very seriously. And seriously people, where do we hide the feathers?!

Three years later I find myself following my own advice. Ladies, like Glinda told Dorothy, “Everything you were looking for was right there with you all along.” Mommas, sometimes we have the answers within ourselves. We just need to take a knee and listen to our gut, and our cherubs.

I leave you now as I go to find the feathers on one knee!

 

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Carrie Lyons
Carrie is a perfectly imperfect South Hills mother of five. She is head honcho of Three One Photography, as well as an athlete, a pepperoni eating vegetarian, and an enthusiast of coffee, wine, polished nails, white eyelet anything, and kind-hearted people. She is a disciple of “please” and “thank you” and a partner to her police officer/firefighter husband. When Carrie is not writing, taking pictures, talking skincare, filling her Amazon cart with books she is too tired to read, raising little humans, loving ferociously, cleaning, or sleeping, she is figuring out how to do it all better tomorrow and thanking God for the big stuff, the little stuff, and everything in between.