I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a mother.
That’s not to say that I didn’t expect for it to happen one day. But I wasn’t one of those little girls who had my life planned out since childhood, career and family dream in mind. And I wasn’t a young adult who ogled at every baby I saw and wondered, “when will it be my turn?”
I waited, figuring that the so-called “baby fever” would strike at some point and I’d become consumed with the idea of being a mother. Several years into marriage, it hadn’t happened. I started to wonder… do I even want kids? I never pictured it as just us two, but as time passed and I still wasn’t sure, it became a real question, staring me in the face.
The fever never came. One day, something just changed inside of me. It wasn’t intense, and I wasn’t overwhelmed – something just clicked, and I knew that I was ready.
It’s funny how these things occur just as you start to make peace with the possibility of a different path. It’s also funny how you think that because you waited until you felt ready, that you’d be more prepared for what’s to come.
If you become a parent, no matter when or under what circumstances, it’s impossible to anticipate that feeling you get when you look into your baby’s eyes for the first time. The best way I can describe it is as pure, unfiltered joy. You won’t be surprised to hear that, in theme with the events above, I also didn’t believe in love at first sight. I do now.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a mother.
And now, I’m fulfilled in ways that I could never have imagined possible. Would I have felt this way if it happened sooner? Probably. But there’s something beautiful about letting life play itself out the way that it’s meant to.
When you stop waiting for a sign and trust that life will steer you in the direction you’re meant to go, you’ll know that no matter what happens – it’ll be the right thing.
