Getting Over Yourself

While recently talking to a good friend, we both lamented how now, in our late thirties, we’re doing things that younger versions of ourselves would never have considered. I’m knitting, she’s cross-fitting. In our younger years were very busy being non-conformists and while we didn’t know each other then, have found that we were basically the same person.

 If you would have asked 21 year-old me, “What do you think you’ll do for fun when you’re 38?”, I can guarantee my reply wouldn’t have been, “knitting.”  I probably would have replied with a sardonic witticism, because I couldn’t actually answer a sincere question with a sincere response.

In my early adult years, I had very strong opinions on all things pop-culture. My tastes and interests were firmly planted on a more alternative side of main stream offerings.  I spent my free-time seeing bands (R.I.P. 31st Street Pub) or hanging out in dingy neighborhood bars. I was quick to dismiss anything that didn’t fit into the tiny box I had created for my interests and openly mocked things that I thought were manufactured for the masses.

I love Weird Al.

My wardrobe consisted of various items of black clothing, including carefully curated band and movie t-shirts. I’ll let you in on a secret, my wardrobe still consists mostly of these items – and I still dismiss a lot of what I see and hear in terms of TV, music, books, and movies, however, with age and experience, I’ve realized that what others enjoy, within reason, is of no concern to me.

You enjoy the latest song from one of the pop divas? Awesome. Maybe I do too or maybe I don’t. It doesn’t matter. Twenty-one year-old me wouldn’t even have known what you were talking about and if I did, I may have pretended like I’d never heard of the wildly famous person to which you were referring. I was just so above it all. I also wouldn’t have been able to keep my sarcastic opinions to myself.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten over myself. I’ve tried and surprisingly enjoyed things that that the younger version of myself wouldn’t have been caught dead doing. While the shift started before I had my son, I’ve really started to put aside the closed-off version of myself in an attempt to show him how not to be afraid of trying new things. For me, that meant trying kayaking, hiking, and knitting – all of which I really love. For my son that meant trying sushi, having living-room dance parties, and learning and reciting poems, all of which he loves.

Children are generally much more open, so it’s not surprising that he is willing to try new things. What I think is important here is that my husband and I encourage him to try things outside of his current tiny world. At his age it means trying a new food or doing something that may make him feel silly. I’m hoping that as he gets older that means trying out for the sport of his choice or auditioning for a play. What we’re trying to reinforce in him is that he can enjoy or participate in whatever pleases him, within reason, of course.

I was so closed off and I don’t want that for him. For someone who considered herself so open minded I was purposely and willfully narrow minded about a lot of things. And I won’t even begin to touch upon the judgement I spewed on others. To put it bluntly, I was quite pretentious, without realizing it.

When I was pregnant, my husband and I would often joke about who our son would turn out to be. Our biggest fear, as for all parents, was that he would be a person we could not relate to at all…but ours was a bit different, what if our son is super athletic and popular? A prom-king type guy?

Isn’t that funny? That’s probably the dream that a lot of people have for their kids. It sounds a bit scary to us. What’s extremely important to us is to recognize that our son is going to be whomever he’s going to be. I refuse to shape and mold him in to a smaller version of my husband and me. He’s exposed to our interests, obviously. I play David Bowie on repeat most days in our house. He’s well aware of my love for horror movies and all things spooky, even though he doesn’t watch that stuff. He knows a lot about comic books and super heroes; he’s a bit of a Star Wars fanatic.

Being himself, whoever that is.

On the other hand, he really likes Disney movies, which for much of my life, even as a child, I did not enjoy. He played soccer and t-ball last year and really liked it and will play again this year. To put it politely, I’m less than athletic. And surprisingly enough, I’ve volunteered to coach t-ball this year. I’m readying my high-waisted gym-teacher shorts as I type.

I still love the same weird stuff I did when I was 21. I still listen to most of the same music. I still seek out different TV shows, movies, and books. The difference is that now I don’t behave as though my tastes are the only fully-formed, acceptable tastes for a person to have.

Our son was wildly excited to see Moana, so we took him. In an amazing turn of events, I was able to actually watch and enjoy the movie (sort of) because I wasn’t heavy-sighing and rolling my eyes at the triteness of it all. I got over myself.

 

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Ryan Mahoney
Ryan is a native of Pittsburgh. She was born and raised, and still lives in Beechview with her husband, son, and dog. She's a proud graduate of the Pittsburgh Public School System and later received her Bachelor of Arts degree from the University of Pittsburgh. For the last 13 years she's worked as a Technical Communication Specialist focusing on interface instruction, user experience, and user guidance for several software products. When she's not fulfilling the responsibilities of her day job, Ryan can be found listening to and obsessing over David Bowie - and passing that obsession on to her son. Ryan enjoys reading, picking through thrift stores and flea markets, movies, music, and exploring all of the great places Pittsburgh has to offer families.