I was going to keep quiet for Mother’s Day. I didn’t think anyone wanted to hear such doom and gloom on what is to be such a happy holiday. Then I began to realize I’m probably not the only one who may have been dreading this day coming, so to all of you who are like me, here’s a blog that’s a hits a little closer to home.
I have three awesome kids and I will definitely enjoy Mother’s Day. I may get an “I Love You” from my teenager instead of a grunt. Children may actually pick up after themselves and not argue. I may even get to watch my beloved sports teams play and ban the Disney Channel in my house for an entire day. Sounds wonderful and darn near impossible, but the hurt is still going to be there.
I admit I did it, and now I have to live with the consequences. Walking away from toxic family members and having no contact whatsoever was not only difficult, it was terrifying. The yelling, the fights, the threats, the gaslighting. Even though all is quiet right now, I live in fear of a phone call or someone knocking on my door. I don’t care if it’s a basic conversation. I’m not able to handle it, and neither are my husband and children. We need peace. We need to be left alone. Even if that means never seeing one particular person ever again along with the rest of my family.
My mom was my best friend growing up. We were always together. I was an only child and my parents were divorced, so it was always just the two of us. She worked hard to take care of me. I didn’t agree with everything she did, but I knew she loved me and wanted the best for me. We had our ups and our downs, but we always came back to each other. Then a year ago she was diagnosed with Cancer, and I lost her completely. She made a choice, after some very hurtful episodes with my husband, kids, and myself, to have my extended family care for her, and the situation became very drama-filled. For my sake and the sake of my children, I walked away.
I am motherless while my mother still walks this earth. Today is my first Mother’s Day without her.
There is no way I could go back. The situation was and is so toxic I would fear for myself and my children, and even my mother’s condition at this point. It would just be a bad thing for all involved. But I can’t lie that it doesn’t hurt. That my soul has been torn apart. I don’t miss my mother, because the person who is here now is not my mother, I miss who used to be there.
The point is, no one deserves to be treated badly. Just because you are related to someone does not give them the right to abuse you. I was not going to stand there and be threatened, screamed at, and called names by other adults. I was also not going to allow them to do the same thing to my children. That’s when I said enough was enough. Call me what you want. You don’t hurt my kids.
Family is who you are born into. You can make a choice to surround yourself with better people. It’s okay to walk away.
