Every few months an article passes around social media about how special needs parenting is lonely. It usually starts off discussing how the women use to have lots of friends but now that they are a special needs mom (which they always point out is the best job in the world) that they have become so lonely. These articles make me so mad and make me even sadder when I see how many people share them. The REAL truth is every mom has felt lonely before and honestly because of being a special needs mom I think I feel less lonely then most. Before you stop reading, let me explain myself:
– People Change: All women go thru different seasons of life, and with each season we meet new people and some friends get left behind. I’m always amazed by people that are still best friends with people from high school. I think its so amazing that although you’ve each changed so much individually that your relationship has remained. I applaud you because I also know that took work and you made the effort. The reality is that most people change as they grow older and change status is life. All of change a lot and even form new opinions once we get married, have kids, suffer the loss of a loved one, experience illness, divorce etc. and seek out others that share similar beliefs.
–Kids Cause You to Make New Friends: As I stated previously, as 
the seasons of life change you make new friends, this is especially true once you have kids. Once your kids start school and activated you will inevitably find new friends. I joked last year that a girlfriend and I had no choice but to become friends because between dance and karate we were spending at least 3 hours a week together. OK so….. now this is when the doubters of my theory are going to say their special needs kids 
aren’t in school or activities so they can’t make friends, BUT I would disagree. First off when our son Nate spent almost 4 months in the PICU, I did feel lonely but ended up becoming close friends with several of his nurses that six years later I’m still friends with. This also brings me to my last point……
-Because of my special needs son, I have DEEPER friendship: When you become friends with other moms who are going thru the same thing as you. The women I have become friends with who are my fellow *CHARGE moms, are women that I can trust when I’m feeling my lowest because they have been there and know how I’m feeling. Also if you have a child with a syndrome that has a low life expectancy, you learn to cherish each and every moment and learn to celebrate with your fiends every single milestone. Unfortunately, as much as we get to celebrate we also share in each others loss. In the past year our small CHARGE community has had to watch as over ten families have said goodbye to their children. We rally around each other with each loss as if it was our own child because that is the bond that I have created with them. I can say without a doubt that some of my best friends are because of Nate.
The moral of my story is: yes, most moms feel lonely, and yes, being a special needs mom could contribute to that, but is not the reason, and I feel it’s just their most pressing issue. But, if you are feeling lonely, reach out to others whether it be thru social media or in person. By nature, women can benefit from being around other women, and sometimes friendship can take work, but we all know that the best things in life take work!
*CHARGE syndrome is a recognizable genetic syndrome with known pattern of features. It is an extremely complex syndrome, involving extensive medical and physical difficulties that differ from child to child. www.chargesyndrome.org
