I Love You, But Not Right Now…

“Enjoy it. It goes so fast.”

How many times has someone said this to you, urging you to soak in every moment with your babies and kids? These words are meant to remind us how fleeting time is; that we only get one chance to relish in the newness of a baby or the innocence of childhood.

Time flies … but then, it doesn’t.

On the nights when you’re up for the fifth time with your baby. On the days when you’ve been peed on, pooped on, and spit up on. During the screaming and the tantrums. The headaches and perpetual lack of sleep. And the mounting to-do list that never seems to get finished.

The other week, my husband and I were sitting at Panera with the baby. He was being especially fussy and in the middle of a sleep strike. I asked my husband, “Are we focusing too much on how hard this is when we should be enjoying our baby?” He said no, because anyone who says raising a baby – parenting, really –  isn’t hard is in denial. So after enduring all the sleepless nights with a baby, endless questions with a toddler, or arguments with a teenager, when someone says to “enjoy it,” you’re unsure how to respond politely.

But the truth is, time does fly. Even when we’re overwhelmed and exhausted, how do we take the time to truly appreciate our kids? I took an informal poll of several moms I know whose kids range from nine months to fourteen years old.  This is what they said.

  • Nap time can be cuddle time for little ones.
  • Put off the chores – play with the baby instead (no matter how old the ‘baby’ is).
  • Talk softly to your baby, just a few inches or so from his face, when he’s calm. You’re the only thing in his world at that moment, and you can see it in his face.
  • Laugh more. Clean less.
  • Put your phone down.
  • Turn the TV off.
  • Eat dinner at the table.
  • Just be there to listen – to the drama, the stories, whatever.
  • Talk to their teachers or caregivers – you’ll get to see a whole new side of your kids, usually in a good way.
  • Watch them solve a problem on their own.
  • Take time for yourself.

One mom tries to keep the big picture in perspective. She asks herself:

“If my kids could look back on their childhood and remember all this, what would they see? What kind of memories am I creating for them?”

Even though it can be hard, seeing things from your kids’ perspective might help you stay in the moment more often.

One thing I did when my baby was just a couple weeks old was set up an email account for him. Periodically, I send him messages, pictures, and videos of his milestones and what’s happening in our family. It’s cool to think I’m writing to his future self and telling my son the story of his life. And sometimes, during those middle of the night feedings, it can be calming when we’re the only ones up. For those 15 minutes, it’s just us. The sleepless nights won’t last forever, and there will be a time in the not so distant future when I might even miss holding my baby at 2 in the morning.

My friend told me about a night recently when she put her two toddlers to bed early so she could have some time to herself. It had been an especially hard day. She was in the bedroom, by herself, when she heard a small knock on the door. “Mommy?” the little voice said. Pausing before answering to gather her patience, she replied “What is it, honey? You’re supposed to be in bed.” Her son opened the door, ran in, kissed her, and said “I just wanted to kiss you, Mommy!”

So the next time someone says to you, “enjoy it, because it goes so fast,” know that they’re talking about those moments. The ones that in a single minute can erase an entire day’s struggles. The ones that you’re going to miss once they’re gone. Because we can’t have those moments without the hard ones.

How do you take the time to appreciate your kids? Tell us in the comments.