Most of my dear friends would tell you that I am endlessly creating myself. I should have the words, “UNDER CONSTRUCTION” stamped on my forehead. Perhaps it’s because I am a writer and photographer, and with that I see that edits are necessary, and I am no exception. I wake up with the idea that I am better than I was yesterday, and that I will grow to be even better tomorrow. I am not chasing a unicorn. I know that perfection does not exist, except in my Bloody Mary! Girl, I have that thing down to a science!
In all seriousness, I am not striving for perfection, just ongoing progress. I wake up every day and I want to make my family proud. I want God to see that I am using those beautiful gifts and talents that He gave to me.
Insight is one my greatest gifts. Hmm, or is it my greatest curse? After all, it’s not always easy seeing yourself for who you are or for who you aren’t! I will tell you my latest realization.
Deep breath.
I am not always a mindful mother.
Exhale.
It isn’t easy to admit our faults, but I know as well as you do that we cannot change what we don’t confront. Again, here is my guilty admission to all of you: I sometimes genuinely stink at parenting with purpose.
My husband seemingly opens his eyes every morning and thinks, “How will I make my children happy today?” He is cognizant of how each child feels love and executes that love through large and small acts. For example on July 11th, 7-Eleven’s across the country give away free Slurpees. Last year, he planned our day around visiting multiple stores until our children’s tongues were stained in hues of bold reds and blues and until their tummies said, “Enough!” I found it disgusting, but I sat back and smiled as I witnessed how such a small act could make five kids so happy.
He is like a farmer, carefully planting seeds throughout their day to help them blossom into children that experience love that is palpable. Did you hear that? He plants love seeds! I, on the other hand, up until this point, have resembled Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. I make a meal, clean the kitchen, tidy the house, make a meal, clean the kitchen, tidy the house, make a meal, clean the kitchen, tidy the house. My days are often on repeat. Spinning in this constant rotation, I rarely begin my morning by brainstorming on how to make today different and special for my children. Keeping them alive, with good grades and manners, and full bellies usually measures my success. Don’t get me wrong, my love too, is palpable. It is just less mindful. Think of me loading a Nerf gun with with love and going rapid-fire when I see fit. That has been my M.O.
How would our relationships with our children change if we had the clear and purposeful thinking of, “How can I make you happy today?” Let’s not stop there. How would your relationships change with God, your spouse, your boss, or even yourself, if you began the day inquisitively thinking “How can I make you happy today?”
Mommas, don’t put down your Nerf gun just yet. I believe there is value in the hurried and immediate showing of love as opportunities or needs present themselves. However, combining these two types of loves will ensure our children’s love tanks are full.
In Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages of Children, he introduced the idea that children both express and receive love in different ways: acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch, and quality time. Ladies, let’s make an effort to learn our children’s love language(s), as well as properly and purposefully speaking it to them.
There are three easy steps to achieve this. In the great words of my father, “plan-schedule-do.”
- Plan to show your children love. This could come in the form of snuggling on the sofa during their favorite show, cooking their favorite dinner, or buying them orange Tic Tacs. Let’s face it folks, who doesn’t love orange Tic Tacs?
- Schedule a time to do it. Our lives are busy. Sadly if we don’t schedule story time with our kids, then it may not happen.
- Do it! Children respond to the smallest amounts of love. If we aren’t being purposeful, it is because we have a lack of direction, not time.
As you begin tomorrow, keep in mind my two best guys. My husband, the farmer planting seeds of happiness and my father, the man with a plan. I’ll be walking with you in solidarity. I will have my love seeds in one hand, my nerf gun in the other, and a Bloody Mary ready to pour at a moment’s notice!
